


just pretending

by miohko



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Death to the Mechanisms Spoilers, toy soldier angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:34:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27929089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miohko/pseuds/miohko
Summary: "No, it was just pretending. It always knew that. But why was it becoming more difficult to understand that it was pretending?"sometimes the toy soldier forgets its pretending. Sometimes the nature of its pretending is a crushing weight. And when the rest of the mechanisms die, what else is it supposed to do?
Relationships: Raphaella la Cognizi & The Toy Soldier, The Mechanisms Ensemble & The Toy Soldier
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17





	just pretending

**Author's Note:**

> mods are asleep post TS vent fic
> 
> (i'm not entirely sure how to tw this or if it needs this so if i'm missing something please tell me)  
> TWs:  
> -canon-typical violence/murder (its the mechanisms)  
> -forgetting memories  
> -disassociating

_Click_

_Click_

_Click_

_Click_

On and on, the click of boots echoed through the tunnel.

Wait.

The clicking freezes, as if the owner of the boots had frozen in place.

Since when had the Toy Soldier been in a tunnel?

It blinks, looks down at its hands. But they don’t seem like its hands. They don’t feel _real_. 

Are they real?

No, it was just Pretending. It always knew that. But why was it becoming more difficult to _understand_ that it was Pretending?

“Hello?” it called, its chipper tone slightly cut through by a nervous waver.

“Hello?” 

Toy Soldier jumps, whipping its head around left and right. 

_Angel????_

Then it lets out a funny little laugh.

“Who Is Angel?” it asks itself happily. Its voice echoes once more. Maybe once it would have been able to remember that voice. But that time had long passed.

  
  


\--- past ---

In the mirror, a wooden man.

Wait.

Man? Wooden?

Who was that in the mirror?

“Toy Soldier you better get over here before I throw you out of the airlock again!” 

A voice yelling in the back of its mind, but who’s?

It blinks. Oh, right. The first mate, not the captain. But what was his name? Right, Jonny.

And that person- no, the _thing_ in the mirror- that’s the Toy Soldier!

“That’s… Me?” its voice wavers, as if uncertain that it is the owner of that face in the mirror.

Then it hits them. 

They’re the Toy Soldier, a mechanism on the starship Aurora. With 8 others.

Oh. Not 8. Not anymore. Nastya had left- “Out” as Jonny had called it. And… what was her name? Ivy? Yes, that’s her. She had retired, now she was gone. But not “Out,” at least that’s what Jonny had said. Or shown, if the way he strangled Tim when he mentioned that it was like Ivy also went “Out” said anything.

“TS?” A softer voice now. Closer. The Toy Soldier jumps, spinning around. It’s the scientist- Raphaella. The nice one who had just had tea with it and the octokittens just a few nights ago!! Sure she had poisoned them, but that was just part of the fun!

“Hello Scientist!” it happily greets, voice betraying none of the thoughts it had fought with seconds ago.

“Jonny is going to shoot us both if you don’t get to practice now.” She doesn’t seem too bothered by it though. Probably just some other experiment for her! How fun! The Toy Soldier wishes it could do something like that. Maybe it could poison the octokittens later! Just like- 

Hmm. What’s her name? Right! Raphaella. Scientist of the Aurora. How could it forget!

“La Cognizi you better get that vermin over here right now or I’ll shove you both out of that fucking airlock!” Jonny’s voice cuts in again.

“You doing ok?” Raph asks, completely ignoring the yelling of the first mate.

“Absolutely Splendid!” It ignores the twinge in its chest. It’s Pretending again. 

But it always is, so why does this hurt?

No, it was just _Pretending_ it hurt. It obviously doesn’t actually hurt! The Toy Soldier isn’t actually real, so why would anything hurt it!

Still, that odd little feeling persists as Raphaella smiles.

“Good, then let’s go…”

\--- present ---

_Click_

_Click_

_Click_

Oh, right! That’s just the Toy Soldier. In… tunnels? It doesn’t remember being in tunnels, how funny!

Hmm. Now it remembers just recently being in tunnels! Or… maybe that had been just a couple minutes ago? Time was a concept the Toy Soldier had never fully managed to grasp. Jonny had always mocked it for tha-

Wait. Who’s Jonny?

Does that matter? Its laugh feels more forced now as it echoes through the tunnels.

Huh. Echoing in tunnels. It vaguely reminds it of a time centuries ago. On a moon, perhaps? With Tim!

Tim. Another name it didn’t know.

Deep down it knew, though. They were gone. It might not know who “they” is, but the reason they had Pretended for this long was for those people.

  
  


So what else does one do when they have no one else here?

Stop Pretending, of course.

The Toy Soldier sits down, legs splayed out in front of it. It looks at its hands once more. They still don’t feel like they belong to it. It’s kind of funny, when it thinks about it!

It closes its eyes. 

More memories, of a time when it Pretended to sleep. Next to a woman with blue-tipped hair and ice-cold skin.

But it had always just been Pretending, for a wooden doll can’t _actually_ sleep.

Huh. A wooden doll. Is that what it was?

Its thoughts begin to spiral. Fuzzy memories of times it cannot remember. Oh how it wishes it could remember.

It can only remember one thing.

_I’ve Always Just Been Pretending_

So it decides to stop. Why not? The memories are gone, which clearly means the beings from those memories are no longer here too. Maybe the pain and guilt from being unable to remember will leave once it stops Pretending.

So that’s exactly what it does.

**Author's Note:**

> me? projecting??? never....
> 
> I wrote this in half an hour at 10 pm and didn't really proof read sorry if there are lots of mistakes.


End file.
